Of Age and Fuses
Look at this picture. Do you see a young woman or an old woman?
At work this week, I was talking on a conference call with teammates and the banter led to a conversation about people’s ages. They each said the year they were born. (I didn’t volunteer mine.) I found out that the people that I’ve been working with on this project are ALL younger than me! Even the two leads who are 2 levels above me who I thought were years older. My jaw silently hit my desk.
With this new revelation I looked around the office (with the Twilight Zone theme playing in my head) and it made me hyper-aware that I’m probably older than like 96% of the people in the office going by looks. With all the hiring of young people in recent years, I’ve always known that I’m on the older side now, but I’m now including leadership.
In my mind’s eye, I’ve always seen myself as relatively ‘youngish’ (emphasis on relatively) especially compared to people one and two levels above me at work. Now I’m realizing that those people who are higher up and get their own offices, who I always thought were ‘a little bit older than me’, may, in fact, be younger than me. I feel sooo old and left behind. I thought I’d be further along in life.
I’ve never been a careerist and ladder climber, not in the slightest, but what happened to my potential? At some point, I may end up being that old person in the office who gets bossed around by a manager half their age.
None of this is a big deal in the grand scheme of things, just another fuse that’s been lit under my ass that it’s time to make some big moves next year. I’ve been stagnant and miserable for too long. The clock is ticking, and I’m just getting older. (I’m still waiting on the wiser part.)
I just lost a family member to a long and painful illness. She was only in her 30’s. Life is short, and tomorrow is not guaranteed.
It’s a Small World After All…
About a year ago, I was doing interviews in a vain attempt to get escape my job.
Remember this chick?
Plus, one of the key decision makers took an instant dislike to me, exuding a dismissive air, and never even asking me one question the entire time.
The one who was so condescending and dismissive to me during my interview? The one who never asked me even one question?
Yeah, she just got hired into my division. Just found out about it via announcement. Ugh! Can you believe this? I wonder if she even remembers me? If she does, will her bitchy attitude continue toward me? This will be interesting, to say the least.
One positive thing I can say about my job is that there have been no “Mean Girls” in my office. In that respect, we have a good culture. I really hope that doesn’t change. Hopefully, I won’t have to work with her directly. Another hope. Another fuse…
Student Loan Progress
On a good note, I’m continuing to make full payments to my student loans. The end is in sight and the sooner I kill this debt, the sooner I am free. I’ve decided not to slow down my debt repayment to pay off my credit card and travel expenses. Commenter Maria’s question got me to reconsider my previous plan.
I’m using money from my Opportunity fund to pay off the rest of my trip and credit card expenses. My travel overage – data, backpack (suitcase will have to wait), unexpected extra plane fare (ouch), shopping, taxi/uber, etc. – totaled to $1935. Yeah, it’s high. Whatever. I don’t regret any of it (except for the extra plane fare).
This has brought my Opportunity Fund down to $3,325 for the rest of 2019. I’m sad to see a chunk of my cash cushion go, but I feel better about having everything squared away again. Now, I can focus only on my student loans.
With all these lit fuses, this is really going to be a race to the finish line. Will my debt finish first [Debt Free!]? Or my job [Fired]? Or my mental and physical health [Quit]? I’m holding on week by week.
Are any of you racing the clock on something? What is it?
“Debtor’s prison is real, and opportunity cost is a bitch.” (DDSW Archives)