[-$60,324] Overwhelmed and Out of Gas, but Optimistic

I’m feeling like I’m being dragged across the finish line of 2017. I just feel tired.

(I have fallen off on taking all of my supplements regularly, so I’ll need to get back on track with that. That is probably playing a role in things.)

Among other things, I have a close family member in the hospital now. After tests, it was determined that the condition is potentially life threatening, but treatable with surgical intervention, so things will likely be ok, eventually. But getting that first phone call was crazy stressful.  

Going home for Thanksgiving was good, but exhausting. Although I know my family loves me, they have a way of making plain every area of lacking in my life. I got some comments on my weight gain, and some strange looks when I got put on the spot and had to announce to a room full of people that I lived with roommates and didn’t have my own place at my age.

But the most cutting words had to to do with my  singleness and why I, “not having anybody”, must be miserable out here where I live “all alone” with no one to “take care of me”. See, where I’m from… unmarried woman, over 40, no children = failure.  I was only brought to the verge of tears (did not cry) twice, so maybe I’m toughening up a bit. It did remind me why I don’t go home more often.

Omg. I’m am so the person on the right. 100%. I still have to buy Christmas gifts, because I always put it off until the last minute. I put it off because I honestly don’t enjoy it. I’m not a shopper. It’s one more thing I have to get done. Fortunately, I saved some money in my Opportunity Fund to be able to do this.

At the end of the year, I either look back and feel that I got a lot accomplished, or I feel like life has passed me by. Financially, it’s definitely the former, but for everything else its the latter. Still single. At work, I’ve watched colleagues move on to amazing opportunity after amazing opportunity and feel left behind sometimes.

Even after having spent the entirety of this post whining about my life circumstances, I’m optimistic about next year. I recognize that December is generally a tough month for me.

My next post will be my annual year in review post. Stay tuned.

.

“Debtor’s prison is real, and opportunity cost is a bitch.” (DDSW Archives)

16 comments

  1. Alisha Wright · December 17

    Hi DDSW,
    In the words of Jesse Jackson “Keep Hope Alive.” I found your blog by performing a google search using terms like “over 40”, “debt”, and “single”. Your posts are inspiring. In addition to your blog, I watch a lot of Dave Ramsey’s YouTube videos of people performing their debt free screams. Many times the people on Dave’s show are married. It is refreshing to have someone write about the highs and lows of paying off debt as a single person. Since March, i have paid off $15,000 in student loan and credit card debt living on my own in NYC, away from family. I still have nearly $30,000 remaining, but I am hopeful that I can pay that off soon. I wish you well on your journey to being debt free and hope that you make an intention in 2018 to meet someone and put as much effort into the goal of meeting that special person as you have into paying off a TREMENDOUS amount of debt.

    Like

    • Double Debt Single Woman · December 19

      Thanks, Alisha.

      Yeah, sometimes it feels like most people my age aren’t single or don’t stay single for long, which makes finding blogs of other single people fun. There are some blogs on my blog list that are written by single women getting out of debt if you are looking for more inspiration.

      And congrats on paying off $15k in the big city.

      As for 2018…well, hope springs eternal. 🙂

      Like

  2. zeejaythorne · December 18

    Girl, I feel you. I’m sitting here after the death of an immediate family member and in roughly the exact same financial situation as the end of last year. And my relationship, the biggest source of hope in my life, is on hiatus while she figures out her mental health and if she’s willing to come out of the closet.

    Next year will, likely, begin in this same state of flux. My relationship will either end or deepen into the path that I’ve wanted. One would make me sad, but it would at least be a step in the direction I want my life to go. I want to no longer live with roommates I hate. I want to be in love with someone who can love me openly. I want to work less and not destroy my already horrible finances.

    I want.

    I hope I get some of what I want next year. Even if I cannot decide if the changes will be easy or joyful.

    Like

    • Double Debt Single Woman · December 19

      I hope things work out the way that’s best for you.

      December is a rough month. Too much time to look back and take stock of missed opportunities, mistakes, and people lost. I’m actually looking forward to January. January is all about potential and plans.

      Here’s to getting dragged into the new year and then getting up, dusting off, and trying again.

      Liked by 1 person

      • zeejaythorne · December 20

        I’m grateful that I just started a high overtime gig. It is helping my finances and my mental health. Less time to over analyze, which is not helpful when I need to wait and see.

        2018, you are going to be a good year! I command it!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Maria · December 18

    So sorry about the sick family member!
    And yey, you’re very close to being under 60k!

    And ugh, well done you, getting through the rougher parts of your family visit. Where have some people left their manners?!
    I got a few unsavory comments myself last family gathering, about being too skinny. I’ll freely admit that it’s definitely psychologically easier for me to get comments about being too skinny than too heavy, but this was just too much. A not so subtle comment about me not looking feminine. An especially crude comment (warning: especially crude comment ahead!) about me not having a butt anymore, just a funnel to poop out of! What the f?! Yeah thanks family members so and so, you look nice today too! Can something other than you guys’ opinions of my lack of butt and feminine appearance be the topic of conversation?

    Hang in there DDSW, I’m glad you’re feeling optimistic about next year. You’ve made a lot of progress this year!

    Like

    • Double Debt Single Woman · December 19

      Maria,
      I have NO idea where people leave their manners. If you find them, can you mail them back to my family? I’ll send you the addresses. Heh.

      Re: the skinny comment… Oof! What an insensitive thing to say about someone’s body. Maybe they are jealous? Ahh, family. You can’t live with them and… hmmm… Wait, was there another part to that saying? lol

      Thank you for the kind words. 🙂

      Like

  4. Fiscally Fit Chica · December 18

    Being single is not shameful, even though society would tell us so. You’re doing great. When’s your debt payoff date?

    Like

  5. C@thesingledollar · December 19

    It’s difficult to feel like a failure when actually you’re a success in so many ways — there’s so much to be proud of. Look at how much you’re doing! But sometimes you just need to take a week off and stare at the ceiling (and yeah, eat a lot of leafy green vegetables.) I hope you have some time to do that this holiday!

    Like

    • Double Debt Single Woman · December 19

      Ha! Yeah, I’d love to do that, but I’m saving my vacation days for my upcoming trip. Can’t wait. Thanks, C. 🙂

      Like

  6. Terri · December 19

    I am so sorry your family said stuff like that to you, I really am. I can’t believe that some people out there insist that we as women have to “be taken care of” – good God, you are a better person than me, because I probably would have wanted to smack that person upside the head, verbally!

    I’m glad you are still optimistic. I think you made great strides this year. Financially, yes. The other things, it will come. Right now, it may seem like things are going great for others where the career is concerned, but your time will come. And then it will make sense when you look back, as to why it happened the way it did.

    Like

    • Double Debt Single Woman · December 19

      Thanks, Terri.

      I’ll look forward to that day when I can look back and see that everything I’m going through now had a purpose and makes sense.

      Thanks for the words of encouragement. 🙂

      Like

  7. czanclus · December 23

    Just wanted to check in and wish you ‘happiest of dragging’ into the 2018, and send you good vibes to stay strong. It’s been months since I visited, but I caught up with all your posts. Speaking of ‘dragging’, I’m still dragging on starting a blog of my own, and not in the least because it would set me back some $40 per year, but the time. The time nowhere to be found.

    On my 40th b-day, which happened in late summer, I ‘took the plunge’ and closed in on a (TINY!) condo, but in a neighborhood I’ve grown very fond of (location, location,…), and that will likely not see home prices decrease come time to sell. Moving in, particularly the downsizing part and maximizing storage area by using every wall surface available for shelving (talk about doing it without a dude to lend a hand), took all my non-wage earning and reduced sleeping time. Running went by the wayside for 8 weeks, meals were also haphazard quantity and nutrition-wise… gained about 6.5 lbs of pure fat (and maybe 0.5 of muscle from all the stair climbing with heavy weight of furniture :P). Overall, I think this will turn out to be a prudent financial choice. My rent in the old place was too high, and no equity to show for.

    Career also stalled during the 8 weeks of dedicated moving, just took on enough work-load to clear the budget. Schedule’s been crazy, and I feel like I neglected my kid. But come early spring, my schedule should settle into a more regular mode.

    So, looking forward to the New Year for all us brave ladies (and a stray gentleman :P) to bring predominantly positive changes that we’ve planted the seeds for with our hard work. Next month, all things remaining unchanged or better as they likely will, you’ll be a 50s gal! I’ll be sure to stop by and cheer!

    Like

    • Double Debt Single Woman · December 30

      Hey there! It’s good to hear from you again. I hope you and your kid are doing well. 🙂

      Well, you have one page of your blog up, so that’s a start! There may be some platforms that let you blog for free. I pay each year to keep this blog going. Writing here is like therapy, but a lot cheaper, so I come out ahead cost-wise. Ha!

      Cool! Congrats on the condo!! Omg, I DREAM of having my own place. You have no idea. Once I’m out of debt and have my fully funded emergency fund (1 yr expenses) saved up, I’m getting my own place and will NEVER have roommates again. Oh yes, I understand how easy it is to gain fat. Heh. Downsizing and living lighter can save you time (fewer things to keep clean and maintain), so there is a bright side.

      And congrats on your 40th. There is still life on this side of the rubicon.

      Keep it up and I’ll see you on the dance floor in the 50’s! 🙂

      Like

  8. December is the worst month for financial motivation. Everyone around you is buying junk. The media is tells you buying stuff will make you happy. All while you are trying to save and pay off as much debt as you can. Debt fatigue gets REAL during the holidays.

    Things will get better now that the new year is here. I’ve found I feel a lot better in January. Everyone is paying off their holiday debt, and I’m from a cold climate so no one wants to hang out much either. I can continue saving while reading library books and cuddling in a cozy nest of blankets.

    Keep up the great work! You are doing awesome!

    Like

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