As of about two hours ago, what I feared and expected, came to pass.  I was called into a Friday, 4pm meeting with my manager. She informed me what the situation was, and that she had to lay me off.

I was expecting it as you all know, but I thought I’d be able to work out a transition plan where I could at least work until I found something else. No. Everything was effective immediately. That caught me off guard. I got teary eyed at the suddenness of it all.

I’m not broken up about losing this job very much. I have been submitting job applications to other places for the last few weeks. I’m stressed out about how I’m going to pay my bills. If I didn’t have any debt, I could make do because my living expenses are now so low. But, I do have debt, a lot of it. How am I going to make those minimum payments if I don’t get another job right away? I. hate. debt.

I hate that debt is causing me so much stress. I hate the way I’ve felt all week, waiting for the axe to fall. I watched my manager avoid me all week. I sat at my desk with nothing to do while co-workers had three projects each. The last hour before the meeting was nerve-wracking.  I hate being at someone’s mercy like that. I will never ever go into debt again. No amount of stuff is worth this. My number one priority is to get another 9-5, live as cheaply as possible  and pay this debt off as fast as I can.

I have to tell my landlord and re-assure her that I will be able to pay rent. I will be eligible for unemployment benefits.

I have to tell my family (my siblings and parents) and deal with that. That’s going to be the source of another post. I’m sure of it.

Sigh. My landlord/roommate #1, a 59 year old woman, just came back to the house with her boyfriend. That makes me feel so alone, because I have no one to console me right now. I don’t think it has completely hit me yet. I’m unemployed. I am unemployed. I have no place to go on Monday. And the clock is ticking.

Soon, I will formulate a plan of action (filing for unemployment benefits, ramping up job applications, etc.). For right now, tonight, I just need to cope and deal with this emotionally.