It’s official. I have been fired.

As of about two hours ago, what I feared and expected, came to pass.  I was called into a Friday, 4pm meeting with my manager. She informed me what the situation was, and that she had to lay me off.

I was expecting it as you all know, but I thought I’d be able to work out a transition plan where I could at least work until I found something else. No. Everything was effective immediately. That caught me off guard. I got teary eyed at the suddenness of it all.

I’m not broken up about losing this job very much. I have been submitting job applications to other places for the last few weeks. I’m stressed out about how I’m going to pay my bills. If I didn’t have any debt, I could make do because my living expenses are now so low. But, I do have debt, a lot of it. How am I going to make those minimum payments if I don’t get another job right away? I. hate. debt.

I hate that debt is causing me so much stress. I hate the way I’ve felt all week, waiting for the axe to fall. I watched my manager avoid me all week. I sat at my desk with nothing to do while co-workers had three projects each. The last hour before the meeting was nerve-wracking.  I hate being at someone’s mercy like that. I will never ever go into debt again. No amount of stuff is worth this. My number one priority is to get another 9-5, live as cheaply as possible  and pay this debt off as fast as I can.

I have to tell my landlord and re-assure her that I will be able to pay rent. I will be eligible for unemployment benefits.

I have to tell my family (my siblings and parents) and deal with that. That’s going to be the source of another post. I’m sure of it.

Sigh. My landlord/roommate #1, a 59 year old woman, just came back to the house with her boyfriend. That makes me feel so alone, because I have no one to console me right now. I don’t think it has completely hit me yet. I’m unemployed. I am unemployed. I have no place to go on Monday. And the clock is ticking.

Soon, I will formulate a plan of action (filing for unemployment benefits, ramping up job applications, etc.). For right now, tonight, I just need to cope and deal with this emotionally.

April 2013 Update: Back from the Dead Edition

medium_8551369496 exhaustion desk

I’m back for a brief update. My credit card balance is still at $24,998. Right now, I need to build up my emergency fund. Why? Well, the last few weeks have been brutal on the job front.

Right when my second job started, I became entangled in an unusually large project at my 9 to 5 job that required more and more time. For the past two weeks I have been working all day, all night, weekdays, and weekends. No sleep. No breaks. Between the two jobs, I was exhausted, stressed out, and at my breaking point.

My relationship with my manager at my 9 to 5 job has been rapidly deteriorating over the past several months, and this past week has been one of the worst. I’m certain that she’s already laying the ground work to fire me. Poor work review in writing (where I’d had none previously), check. Replacement hired, check. Oh yes, she’s hired someone new to “join” the team, but it’s obvious to me that this person will be replacing me.

I’ve realized that I’m better suited to working “in-house” at a company than working for clients.

I’m literally waiting for the axe any week now.  I have a standing monthly meeting with her next week, and it will not be pretty. If I walk out of there with my job I will be surprised. In the meantime, I’m submitting applications to various places and have already had one phone screen.

Buckle-up. It’s gonna be a bumpy ride.


“Debtor’s prison is real, and opportunity cost is a bitch.” (DDSW)


photo credit: Cristiana Gasparotto @ flickr, “Exhaustion”, Creative Commons 2.0