Living Alone vs. Having Roommates: Health vs. Money?

credit - crashdwell dot com blog

Apartment Fever and Taking My Own Advice

For the past week I’ve had a fever — apartment fever. I experienced some irritations caused by my roommate that led me to start thinking about getting my own place again.

I needed to re-read my own past blog posts to remember my motivation for staying out of debt. I was slipping back into my old mindset, wanting a posh apartment even with a ton of debt and not enough money to furnish the place.

For now, the fever has passed. I’d like to have all my credit card debt gone and be under six figures of student loan debt before I even consider this again, but life has a way of throwing curveballs.

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My Reasons for Living Alone

I would LOVE to live in a tiny, clean, modern, micro-apartment like the one shown above. They don’t exist where I live yet, but here is to dreaming.

1. Health – As I discussed in one of my early posts, I’m a very introverted and private person, so I was very unhappy to say the least when my debt forced me to give up the one thing that cherished above all material possessions – my privacy.  My old apartment was my oasis to recharge from a world that was stressful, and at times, overwhelming. I could come home, shut the door and truly relax. Not living alone makes relaxation difficult, and is a source of low-level chronic stress. I’m tense pretty much all the time.

AP-STRESSING-OVER-DEBTcredit: nbcnews.com

It’s hard to completely relax when you don’t know who/what you’ll find when you open the door to your place or when you don’t have control over who comes through your door. I’ve noticed that I don’t cook much at all when I live with others. I start to rely on restaurants and prepared food. People with anxiety will understand what I’m talking about. I’ve noticed that my health has deteriorated over the past year, in part because of my poor diet. My recent physical shows borderline high blood pressure for the first time ever and a sky high cholesterol along with a few other conditions that I won’t get into here. For my mental and physical health, I need to have my own place.

2. Minimalist aesthetics  – As an aspirant of minimalism, I like clean lines and clear surfaces. My current roommate, although a nice guy, is messy, OCD, and a hoarder in training. I’m not being mean. It’s a fact. He will admit this to you himself. He admitted it to me AFTER I signed a lease and moved in. So yeah, every square inch of every counter in this place has to be covered in crap. He can’t have one of something; he has to have five of them. For example, on his side of the bathroom sink he has five crusty bottles of handsoap, two big bottles of mouthwash, 3 tubes of toothpaste… you get the idea. Every square inch, covered. His room is so full of crap that it has spilled out into the common area. I’ll spare you all the other details, but let’s just say that as a minimalist, it is irritating and mildly stressful to say the least, that I have to be surrounded by this all the time. 

3. Privacy  – I live an an apartment building that is poorly designed. One example of this is that all the meters, circuit breaker, etc. are all located inside MY BEDROOM. Why?! Who designed that?! So whenever some fuse blows or they need to check the water meter, I have men clomping around inside my bedroom  while my roommate sleeps through everything in his room with privacy. That may not bother you, but my bedroom is a private space to me. Just this past week we had a water meter inspection in our building. At first I didn’t even know it was happening because, again, my roommate is such a junky OCD packrat, that I didn’t see the notice among all the other crap piled all over the counters. I happened to look at the notice right before they showed up.

I started working at my computer, when the doorbell rang. It was a the monitor guys. I let the first one in and he announces to the other one who is still in the hallway, that the monitor is ‘in here’ and proceeds to go straight into my bedroom! I follow the second guy back to my room and sit at my computer while they access the water monitor which turns out to be in my closet! The first guy asks if he can remove a couple of things, and I say sure. Next thing I know, he is grabbing armfuls of clothes off the bar and tossing them on my bed. He continues to  pull out half the contents of my closet – laundry bag included. Sigh. It’s a good thing my closet was tidy.

After a while of going into our kitchen and bathroom to turn the water on and off, they finish and leave, but it was just awkward. They didn’t put any of my stuff back.  I should have made them. I guess what really bothered me about it is that my apartment is junky and messy because of my roommate,  but they were only seeing my face so I felt embarrassed that they were judging me for the apartment being like this.  Yes, I tried keeping the place neat and clean when I first moved in, but quickly learned that it was a losing battle. I’m not his mother and will not clean up after another adult. It is one reason of several that I will be moving out when my lease is up.

4. Freedom  – Freedom to do what I want, when I want, however I want.  ‘Nuff said.

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How you want to feel living with roommates…

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How you actually feel living with roommates…

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My Reasons to Have Roommate(s)

1. Saving money $$$ – Let’s get right to it to the dollar bills. I live in one of the most expensive housing markets in the country. Yes Caroline, “the rent is too damn high!” If Jimmy McMillan ran for office out here, he might actually win.   After exhaustive searches, I’ve realized that I’m priced out of the studio/1-bed rental market; at least for nice (not luxury) apartments that are also in safe neighborhoods. By moving in with roommates elsewhere in the area, I could potentially save $400-800 per month that would go to debt and/or retirement savings.  If I didn’t have any debt, I could afford to have my own place, save for retirement, and still have a little money for fun. But alas, that will not be my life for the foreseeable future.

2. Safety – Related to #1 above, in my fever induced search, the only apartments I could afford  were in not-so-safe neighborhoods. In online tenant reviews of some of these complexes, female prospective tenants are warned not to walk about these areas at night alone. Ummm, no thanks. My physical safety is too important. By pooling money with others, I can live in safer areas.

3. Companionship  – Even if my roommate(s) and I aren’t BFFs, it would prevent me from being totally isolated, as I have been slow to make friends here. I have eternal hope that I’ll find some people that I click with and have something in common with. That would be awesome and fun. Here’s to hope.

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Even though it is affecting my mental and physical health, I’ll just have to find a way to deal with my anxiety and stress for a while longer, until I can get more debt paid down.  Are any of you living with roommates not by choice? Bring it up in the comments.

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“Debtor’s prison is real, and opportunity cost is a bitch.” (DDSW)

Credit Card Progress and Annoyances

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When will it end?! I’m done with evil credit card companies!

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Progress:
My current credit card current balance is now $17,990.00! Yes, I’m actually happy about this.  It hasn’t been this low in years, and I’m very happy to finally turn the corner on the $20’sK to now be in the $10’sK.

I got a small year-end bonus at my job, which I was very pleased to get. I promptly applied every penny of it (what was left of it after taxes), to my credit card debt.

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Annoyances:

I got a routine monthly statement from my old credit card company a couple of days ago. This is the old credit card with a 19.9% interest rate that I paid off months ago with balance transfers to two 0% interest cards. Thank goodness I opened the email to verify my $0 balance. What I saw instead was that I now had small balance on the card for $3.99.  What?! Where did that come from?

After some investigation, I realized that I had bought a book on Amazon several months ago on this credit card, but never received it because the release date kept getting pushed out. I remember getting that book eventually, but ultimately sending it back for a refund. I got the refund. However, it did not cover return shipping, hence the $3.99 balance on my credit statement.

Ok. I open the credit card app and pay the bill, or at least I try to. Error message. The payment system will not let me make a payment for under $5.  What?!   Sigh. Fine.  I’ll pay the $5 and deal with having a credit on my account.  Nope. Error message. The system will not let me pay $5 because it is more than 7% over the $3.99 balance.  What?!  Really?!  So I guess the only way out of this is to charge something else on the card to raise the balance and then pay the whole thing off. Sneaky, sneaky.  So that is what I have done.

Grrr. Things like this reinforce my bad experiences with credit cards and particularly with this credit card company.  The silver lining, if you can call it that, is that at least this will show some activity on my account. I’ve read that not having any activity on your credit card can give companies grounds to lower your limit or close it.  I don’t want that to happen on this card – not because I will ever use it again – but because credit scores are important in the super competitive rental market out here. Even private, independent landlords require your credit report as a part of your application. This is also by far and away my oldest credit card, so getting it shut down would adversely affect my credit score.  [Edit: I’m now learning that landlords are more interested in potential tenant payment history on the report than in the credit score itself, so I may not need to be too concerned.]

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Patience, grasshopper…

No matter how much progress I make, I’m frustrated that I can’t pay it off faster.  I know that it took me years to get into this debt and it will take time to get out of it, so I need to learn patience.  I’m just ready for all this money that I spend on debt every month to instead go into investment vehicles that will result in earned interest, not paid interest.

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“Debtor’s prison is real, and opportunity cost is a bitch.” (DDSW)

The Single Woman with Double Debt

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For too many of us, this is how we feel when trying to tackle our finances. I am a single woman with double debt. If you are reading this blog, you are likely a single woman (or man) with double debt. If not, consider yourself lucky. High debt loads are stressful enough for many couples to tackle together. Imagine shouldering six figures of debt on your own.  For many of us, student loan debt is the biggest component of debt totals this high, but regardless of what got you here, you’re here now.  And you have company.

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Image credit:fallendeath13.deviantart.com

It’s that time of year. Just when you think your wounds are healing from spending another holiday season  and New Year’s eve single and lonely – Valentine’s Day rolls around and it’s chocolate and rose-less passing reminds you that you are getting another year older – alone. Although being a single woman can be a great time of freedom, it can be depressing too. For those of us experiencing moderate to extreme debt burdens, facing it alone can be an additional challenge. What follows are some of the issues that we single women with deep debt have to face.

 

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We have no partner to offer emotional or financial support
I am firm in the fact that I got myself into debt alone, so I will get myself out of it alone.  However, having someone to keep me motivated, feels worth its weight in gold sometimes. Too many of us keep the extent of our debt secret out of shame, causing us to bottle up our fears and frustrations.

Most get out of debt articles and blogs with substantial debt payoff are about couples working together to make it happen. Their accomplishments are great, but I cannot relate to those stories. Having two incomes to tackle debt and sharing expenses is a luxury that we singletons don’t have. Being single can keep us in debt longer, and being in debt can keep us single longer. Fun huh?

And let’s not forget that women can stay trapped in stressful, abusive jobs because they have little or no safety net in the form of  a partner to support them.

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Pay inequality means that debt bites us harder and longer
Repayment affects us more because on average we earn less than men for the same work. Paying off the same debt burden as a man takes more money out of each of our paychecks and/or for a longer period of time. The gap may be shrinking, but there is still a ways to go.

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The ticking biological clock or expense of raising kids adds pressure
Ladies, those of us in our 30’s and up are dancing the debt payoff two-step to a to a ticking biological clock. Forty-three percent (43%) of Generation X women don’t have children. Debt has been one factor in that. What if you are six figures in debt and pushing 40? By the time you pay off all your debt you’ll be peri-menopausal in your mid-forties at the earliest. Are you really expected to wait that long? Should you freeze your eggs and use surrogates? Some women with deep debt make the painful decision to never have children. Others become proponents of being child-free. If having children is extremely important to you, then have them; but be prepared for the financial effects and sacrifices that you’ll have to make.

If you already have children, you are more likely than men are to be their primary caregiver. Raising children today is more expensive than ever. Without a partner, even accounting for child support, women disproportionately shoulder the financial responsibility of child rearing, thus slowing down debt repayment.

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Dating with debt is more difficult
Research shows that women shackled with debt are less likely to marry. It doesn’t matter how sexy you are, debt is not attractive. Wait, what was I thinking. Of course how sexy you are matters. If you’re a Beyonce or Megan Fox clone, nothing on this list applies to you.  For the rest of us, unfortunately, especially those of us dragging around a $100k+ ball and chain of debt and misery; we don’t look like a rockin’ good time to potential partners. We aren’t going to be on vacation with them running on an exotic beach anytime soon.

We often ask ourselves, ‘Am I undateable? Am I unmarriageble? Do I need to to pay off all my debt before pursuing relationships?’ As long as you are taking action to pay the debt off aggressively (not just talking about taking action), the answer to those questions is a resounding “No”.  The same goes for anyone you may be interested in dating. 

For all of us single ladies without a ring on it, debt does affect our romantic lives. If you can’t afford to travel or get involved with activities, it limits the pool of potential partners that you’ll have the opportunity to meet (online dating nothwithstanding).

Words of warning to my fellow single sisters in debt. Don’t let romantic partners use money as a way to control you. It’s not worth it. Don’t get into relationships for money. As a wise man Dr. Phil says, if you marry for money, you’ll earn every penny of it.

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And, hey, if you can’t trust Dr. Phil, who can you trust?

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Debt can damage our independence and self-actualization

Deep debt can change the dynamics of your relationships with other people.  If enduring disdainful condescension or looks of pity aren’t bad enough, others may try to treat you like you are less than or helpless. You can’t afford to do the things that your friends and family can, and you may feel that your nose is being rubbed in it. 

And if you are single woman and in deep debt, family, especially your parents, may have the view that because you don’t have a man/partner in your life to support you, that you still need their control help. Really? How many of us enjoy those conversations? Ladies, if this is the case, it’s time to start setting some boundaries.

Being a single woman is not easy. We all know that time is money, and commonly our time is not respected. Family volunteer you for things or pressure you into visiting far more often than you can afford to with respect to time and money. For some of us, the only trips we’ve taken in recent years have been guilt trips (bought and paid for by parents/family). First class.

Like potential romantic partners, some family members with ulterior motives may use money to try to control you and incur a sense of obligation on your part. Again, this is not worth it. Even if you repay the money, you may never be able repay the emotional debt (of their ‘saving you’) as far as the other person is concerned, which they will use to control you. Be very wary of taking monetary “gifts” from anyone that you don’t trust 100%.  And of course, a
void taking loans from friends or family unless you want to ruin that relationship.

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Harassment by debt collectors takes an emotional toll

 We’ve seen the lawsuits and new stories. Women seem to be the targets of unduly nasty debt collector practices. Bullying, intimidation, and threats of sexual violence have driven some debtors to suicide, or the courtroom. Unfortunately, most women suffer in quiet anger, not knowing their rights or to whom to turn. 

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That is just some of what we deal with. Did I miss any? Are you experiencing any of these? Let me know in the comments.

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“Debtor’s prison is real, and opportunity cost is a bitch.” (DDSW)