Month: February 2013

Are You Trapped in an Abusive Relationship with Your Job?

Posted on by Double Debt Single Woman

Abusive

[photo credit: DeliriumBlue @ Flickr]

My posting has already started to drop off. Why? My 9 – 5 job has become shaky over the past couple of weeks. My love of this job that I’ve held for the past two years has taken a sharp decline over the past 6 months. The details of this are the subject of a separate post. Suffice it to say that I have begun to look at job boards. I really don’t want to have to go on the job market. I really, really, don’t want to have to go back on the job market. I was last on the market during the recession, and it was brutal. Even more than that, my debt keeps me shackled.

I’ve started to think about bad job fits like any other bad relationship. I’ve come to believe that the worst job relationships can be as emotionally abusive as any other relationship.

Are you in an abusive relationship with your job? See if any of these apply to you.

1. You are subject to regular criticism and judgement; from informal comments to formal reviews. Ever endured a 360 review? No? Look it up and consider yourself lucky. They can be things of terror.

2.  You have lost your self-confidence and self-esteem. You are now a shell of the person you used to be. You question every decision you make and second guess yourself constantly. This extends into your personal life.

3. You start to believe the critical comments made about you. You begin to think that you deserve the treatment you are receiving.

4. Your opinions and suggestions are not respected and are ignored.

5. You live under a myriad of rules; too many to keep track of. You fear doing anything at all because you might be breaking a rule somewhere, which would result in bad consequences.

6. You are watched.  The metaphorical panopticon lives. You feel as though you are always being observed. Your physical whereabouts and online communications are monitored.

7. You are bullied, insulted, or called names.

8. You must get permission to do anything.

9. All of your time must be occupied with it. Forget about spending time with family and friends. You’ve even started dreaming about work. You are made to feel guilty for wanting work-life balance.

10. You get an occasional gift, bonus, award to entice you to stay around a little longer.

Why don’t more people leave abusive jobs? The short answer is, for some of the same reasons many don’t leave an abusive marriage. A few reasons are:

  • 1. Lack of financial independence.
  • 2. Self-doubt and fear that there are no better options out there.
  • 3. Peer pressure or fear of losing the perks and high status that are now enjoyed.

If you feel that you are in an abusive job, start making plans to get out. Eliminate as much debt as possible and put some money aside in an emergency fund. Start looking for new work and be sure to ask more of the right questions, this time around.

As for me, I’m starting to think that my days at this job are numbered. If I last through the end of the year, I will be happy for the sake of my debt. In the meantime, I now have another part-time job of scanning the job boards to add on top of my other three jobs.

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“Debtor’s prison is real, and opportunity cost is a bitch.” (DDSW)

5 Reasons to be Thankful for Your Debt

Posted on by Double Debt Single Woman

I’ve been thinking about my financial situation a lot. And lest I come across as a Winnie Whiner, I started thinking about what I have to be thankful for. Out of every adversity there is growth and development. Here are five things that those of us in debt can be thankful for:

5. You Learn Patience. 

patience

If you don’t have the money, then you’d better have the time. When you are broke, you learn to adjust your life to other people’s schedules. You can’t go to work until the bus shows up at your stop. You can’t leave the party until the person who drove you there is ready to leave.

I have ‘The Hunger Games’ on queue at my local library. I didn’t get to see it while it was in theaters, obviously, because I’m in debt. I added it to my checkout queue a couple of weeks ago. Today, it’s in position 331 on the Hold list. I won’t be watching it for a while.

When you are back on your feet financially, you’ll have more options. But until then, patience, Grasshopper.

Just don’t wait too long…

waiting too long

4. You Can Forget About Keeping Up with the Joneses.

faux mansion

They won. Let them feel smugly superior. They’re probably broke too, or will be soon.

You are now free to plan to really be rich, instead of just looking rich.

Oh, and the Joneses usually have tacky taste so you’re better off not trying to be like them anyway.

3. You Learn What’s Really Important

priorities

When freed of all the pressure to compete, and purged of all of the plastic crap that we’ve been conditioned and socialized to stuff into our lives, you have the space to think about what you want your future to be like and feel like.

This is an opportunity that many never experience. Take advantage of it.

2.  You Learn the Harsh Truth about Personal Finance

prey

Remember the Animal Kingdom shows you watched as a child where you learned how animals get their food? Well hitting your financial rock bottom and living behind the bars of debtor’s prison do nothing if not teach you about the Financial Kingdom. There are predators and prey.

Those of us who were too slow or immature to learn the rules of the financial game were easy targets. Those who earn interest grow financially fat off of those of us who pay interest. Once you learn that cold simple truth and realize what years of interest payments have done to your financial future, you become angry and do something about it. You make a change. Those of us who are digging out of debt are choosing to be financial victors not victims.

And the number one reason to be thankful for being in debt.

1. No One Asks You for Money

crumpled dollar bill

Well, no one asks you for money except for homeless people. Little do they know that they are the rich ones in any interactions with us. They are poor and have no money, but they rarely have debt either. That’s something to aspire to.

So there you have it – five reasons to be thankful for your debt.  Remember that there are silver linings to every cloud.

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“Debtor’s prison is real, and opportunity cost is a bitch.” (DDSW)